08-06-2014

Dear Cheryl Ann Zaro Takahara,

Happy 20th Anniversary!

1 x 20 = 20 years
12 x 20 = 240 months
365 x 20 = 7,300 days
7,300 x 24 = 175,200 hours
2 daughters = our family
2 res. halls, 1 apartment, and 1 house = our home
Substitute teacher, Brandon Elementary, and La Patera Elementary = your calling
Camp Joan Mier Counselor, Assistant Resident Director, and Health Educator = my calling
Our miscarriage, Uncle Paul, Grandma Vera, Nana Mary, Uncle Jimmy, Grandpa Virgil, Mary Ann, Grandma Setsu, Uncle Vic, and Grandpa Roy = our relatives who have died.
Denny, Christian, and Theo = our nephews
Illnesses, hospitals, my surgery, and recoveries = our family health issues
Geo Metro, Blue Whale, Goldie = our cars

It is easy to celebrate and make these events / accomplishments / possessions as milestones in our relationship. We could even use them to compare with others to see if we are "successful." After all, they have been life changing.

But these events / accomplishments / possessions only make up a tiny fraction of the time and moments we have shared in the past 20 years. To limit our focus on them is to not recognize the everyday moments, which have given us a meaningful life together. The daily moments that have increased our intimacy between us and strengthened our relationship. Let me list a few:

You make a daily effort to tell me I am a good husband and father. And you tell me specific reasons why I am good at both.
You are willing to talk and work to make our relationship better. Especially when you, I or both of us are hurt by what is said, isn't said, done, or isn't done. Openly & actively pursuing reconciliation is one of your biggest strengths. I am most grateful for this strength in you. Your example of working towards unity in our relationship helps me work on doing the same.
You share and process your thoughts and frustrations by talking with me. Even in those times when I don't listen well, you don't say, "Forget it, you will never understand me." Instead, you come back and give me another chance. You accept that I want to be there for you - in the way you need me to be there for you (which means, I don't have to solve your problems). I am glad you know that I care.
You try to make me laugh every day.
You help edit my serious emails. I trust your common sense and social skills to help me communicate clearly and with compassion.
You remind me that the time with our children at home is quickly coming to an end. You help me participate with our family so I will be grateful for my life choices as I look back on my life.
You help me experience new things. I am a homebody. You appreciate natural beauty and exploring. You keep me active.
You share my value of religion. You actively support my faith and help it grow by keeping me involved in church, community, engaged encounter, and prayer. You are the answer to my prayers to give me someone who will bring me closer to God.
You support my comic book fandom. You never complained about my desire to show gratitude and support to Stan. You could have easily said, "You don't really know these people. Why are you spending so much time on them?" Instead you listened to me when I shared why I love Usagi Yojimbo and Stan Sakai. You allowed me to shift our family vacation so we could go to San Diego Comic Con to celebrate the 25th anniversary of UY. You went with me to have lunch with him and his daughter in LA. You went with me to drop off gifts for Sharon. You went with me to drop off donations to help them pay for Sharon's care. You let me share Stan's Facebook updates with you and the kids. You pray with our kids for them. You enable me to do what I can. Thank you sharing my love, pride, and celebration for a fellow Japanese-American.
In fact, every time something is important to me, you make an effort to allow me to do it. It doesn't always work out like I want it to. But you enable me to try. You empower me.
You are playful. And you do make me laugh every day.
You tell me you love me and care about me.

Marriage is a daily decision to love. You have made that decision every hour, day, and month for the past 20 years. Your daily decision and my daily decision to love are what I celebrate today. Love is worth celebrating!

I love you! Happy Anniversary! Your husband in love, Maka

P.S. You came up with the idea of not buying each other gifts for holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries many years ago. Instead we write each other letters, like this one (And we do bake a cake on birthdays. You have always said, "Everyone should have a cake on their birthday!"). You prioritized meaningful communication over material goods as a way of expressing love. Awesome. This decision was made years before I got into this minimalist way of living. Thank you, love!