Daily Gratitude: For Cheryl

I told Cheryl that I am starting to accept that a situation in my life is not going to get better.  In fact, it will get worst.  I have been in denial that I could fix it.

That acceptance is new. That acceptance pulls down, makes heavy, and tightens my heart.  Those are my physical symptoms of sadness.  

Typically, when I feel sad, I’ll do something to distract myself.  I count my blessings, think about three good things that happened to me and why, practice kindness, and use gratitude to gain the larger picture perspective. 

But I'm trying something new.  Thanks to participating in mindfulness and compassion meditation facilitator training and therapy, I am practicing being aware of, observing, and sitting with my feelings.  Practicing to not judge my feelings as good or bad, wanted or unwanted, or to cling to or to avoid them.  This is new for me. It is hard and I feel stupid.

But feeling stupid is good.  Feeling stupid means that my mind/body is on the cusp of neural adaptation.  I feel stupid because the neural pathway isn’t formed yet.  Feeling stupid is a signal that I am about to learn something new and grow.

So last night, in bed, I talked to Cheryl about my realization, my loss, and my sadness.  Cheryl listened, talked, cried, listened more, and supported me.  Cheryl allowed me to be sad and confused.  I’m sure it wasn’t easy for her to do.  It wasn't easy for me to do.  But Cheryl wants me to be able to feel what I feel and be who I am.  

Cheryl held me and allowed my sadness to rise and stay and fade.  

Cheryl is a remarkable woman.  I find myself singing the last line from that song in Hamilton,  “Hey, best of wives and best of women.”

This happened because Cheryl and I have gone through some serious and not so serious life events over the past 25 years together.  We survived those and are committed to surviving the new ones that will come our way.  We are committed to making the daily decision to love each other even when we don't feel like loving.  

26 years ago, I prayed to God to bring someone into my life who would bring me closer to him.  God answered and gave me Cheryl.  I see God in Cheryl’s actions and love for me every day.  

10 Things I Like About Japan

1. Comics 

2. Japanese films, especially by director Yasujirō Ozu

3. My dad's immigrant story

4. Value of group over individual

5. Appreciation of nature

6. Studio Ghibli

7. Furo and onsen

8. Kaisek 

9. Temples and gates

10. Vending machines

10 Memories Of My Mom

1. Reading Genesis and 1 Samuel to me.
2. Playing Helen Reddy's Greatest Hits record to gently wake me up each morning
3. Taking me to see The Wiz musical
4. Asking me if I was okay with her going back to college to earn her BA because she didn't want me feel like "a latch key kid"
5. Always welcoming my friends and feeding them dinner
6. Taking me on the Japanese subway to visit a ninja museum I wanted to see (it was closed)
7. Teaching me how to cook shrimp tempura
8. Telling me that I was a good listener
9. Telling me that she told my dad that "Cheryl would make a good wife" the first time she met Cheryl (and Cheryl and I weren't dating yet)
10. Telling me she loves me the last time I visited her

10 places in Santa Barbara I like to take visitors and family

1. Goleta Butterfly Grove
2. Goleta beach
3. Knapp's Castle
4. SB Courthouse / Clock Tower
5. Chase Palm Park
6. Inspiration point 
7. Lil' Toot Tugboat (especially with young kids - they get to drive the boat).
8. McConnall's ice cream (Mission Street Ice Cream & Yogurt)
9. SB Mission and Rose Garden
10. SB Zoo